Where You Are

We all have days that we just need a hand

Or a shoulder to cry on.

There are always those who may not understand,

But you can rely on

The God who knows your name!

He has you written on His heart.

You don't have to be afraid

Because He is where you are.

Doesn't matter how far you are away from home;

He is there too,

And even when you feel you're all alone,

He is holding you.

He's the God who spoke your name

Before you were even born,

And He is always the same.

He will always be where you are.

His grace is sufficient for you;

In your weakness, he is strong.

He will lead you through;

He is where you are...

Hide From Me by Michaela Browning

3
Feb 10, 2014

Hide from me the face of death
Hide from me the evil eye
Hide from me the cancer taste
And all the poison in the sky

Save me from a tragic loss
Save me from the piercing cry
Save me from the stalking woods
And all the ways that mortals die

Lead me to the living light
Lead me to a mountain high
Lead me to a soul of peace
And give me understanding why

Find me in the deepest dark
Find me in a shadow's sigh
Find me in the lonely rain
And promise me you'll stay nearby

What is a Question Without the Answer?

What good are memories if you can't make more
What good are the words if they don't come true
What good is all the waiting in the end
If you find it wasn't love that carried you through?

What good is the storm without the rain
What good is a rose without it's smell
What good is a wedding without a joyful tear
What good is a story without a perfect end?

What is a mountain without its peaks
What is a sea without its depths
What is a night without the dark
What is sleep without its rest?

What is a tree without its fruit
What is the law without the grace
What is a human without his will
What is a Christian without his faith?

Understanding (unfinished)

I only ask for understanding
To feel like a person again
I don't want your pity
I don't want your help
I have not asked for any of it

You may mean well
But it means nothing to me
As long as you grieve
And try to fix
What is beyond your help
And beyond your reach

I cannot hide forever
This I am finding out
The tears will come
The feelings will show
All I ask is your understanding
When I am turned inside out

Living in the Past

Listening to music is like an escape. From the real world, from dealing with it...
Listening to music from the past is like being there again. Being there again is like not being here.
Living in the memories, and escaping reality.
It's so easy to do. So comfortable. I know I probably spend more time in the past than anywhere else.
Somehow, sometimes, living in the past helps me get through the present.
But is that how it's supposed to be?
Shouldn't I be looking ahead, letting the hope of the future help me through the present?
Doing things in the present that will help me or others in the future? Making the present count...

Why is it so easy to live in the past, to let the present float away, through the memories that plague the mind?
Nobody has to deal with the present if they're not living in it, right?

My Heart Is Here

Your heart follows what you love

People and places that you hold dear

As for me, I know where my home is

Because for me, my heart is here.

Honest to Jealous (Back to Me)

I see this is happening and I know I can't stop it,

But I'm not going to fight because it wasn't meant to be.

With other things I've always fought for what I wanted

But not with you because you weren't meant for me.

Still, I look at it all, as from another world,

And something doesn't quite feel right about it.

I look back in my life to put myself in your shoes,

But something inside me still wants to stop it.

I am working on being okay because I know that's what I should be;

I know if I loved you I wouldn't feel this way.

Love never has to one-up its rival.

I know if it's God's will, you'll come back to me.

Frustration

It starts out as a spark, not meant to be a fire,
And lands on dry leaves as I fall off the wire
The lava begins to boil and erupts before you know it
It all happens inside before I start to show it.

If you've never seen a spark, this is the flame,
If you've never seen a storm, this is the rain
If you've never seen a volcano, this is the obliteration
If you've never seen annoyance, this is frustration.

Dip Into the Sky

Dip into the sky and tell me what you see
The blue disappears in a swirl of green
Look ahead into clear shining clouds
Between the trees glowing pink and gold

Hues turn to purple as the sun starts to set
Soft edges of trees reach into the depth
They move gently like shadows and flicker as light
And just below them you can still see the sky

Dip into the sky and tell me what you see
Golden petals of maple leaves
Dip into the sky and see the shapes the clouds are taking
Only in the ripples of a river, kayaking

My Letter to You

I wrote down my heart on this page that you hold
I didn't lie; it was truth and it was gold
Now you hold my heart in your hands
I'm so weak, but you see me
This is nothing like chance
I was chained, but you freed me

Now my heart is soaring up high in the blue that you showed me
I'm indebted to you; I was lost, but you found me
My heart was broken inside
But this never ending flow of words
Couldn't keep it in if I tried
I'm Yours for better or worse

So I'm writing down my letter to You. It looks different now
You can see the teardrops on the page but they're not what they were
Stains from a chained heart
Have melted into joy
This is my proof of your love
You saved me when I had no voice

So thank you for being my God!
Thank you! You were here when they were not
In Your presence is fullness of joy
I'm understanding that now
What used to keep me from being with You
I'm no longer a slave to

When You Say You Love Me, Do You Mean It?

When you say you love me, do you mean it? Those three words have more power than any others.When I say I love you, you'll know that I do because I never waste those words.

When will we be out of the fog where love is so fragile? When will we be able to see love for what it really is? A never-ending bond stronger than any other that binds us to one another, not with feelings but with actions. When will we never have to worry again that the love someone has for us will cease or fade away some day? When will we never have to walk on eggshells around people, doing only things to please them or being only who they want us to be in order that they keep loving us?

True love is not fragile. True love will never cease or fade away. True love will love you for who you are and everything that you will be.

The bond of true love is unbreakable. When will we reach it?

Stay

Isn't it funny how, when you need somebody most, you push them away? And then there's silence, and you are alone again. Maybe it's because you don't want to let them see what's inside... or you don't know what's inside yourself. Fear of the unknown can lead to just ignoring it.

But is that what you really want? To push everyone you love away and not have anyone to talk to? Maybe deep down, you are really testing them to see who will stay and suffer the coldness... and try to overcome it. It takes a special person to do that and not many have that much love inside of them. I don't know if I do.

Being alone is not what you want, so why do you push them away, again and again? This is a question even you yourself don't have an answer to. All you know is that you are waiting for someone who will ask questions, maybe even seem pushy, and get you to admit to yourself what is wrong. Get you to admit it to them so it's out there in the open and you will not be able hide it anymore. And you can just be honest... and free.

 But it has to be the right person. Because just anyone may push it further back into the deep, hidden reaches of your heart until it becomes something that you yourself don't even know about. Still, it will be there and will plague you until you don't want to have anything to do with it anymore, and you will not know how to get rid of it anymore.

All I'm saying is be the person who doesn't shy away. Be the one who stays and asks questions. You never know who's hurting and needs to talk. If you are pushed away, maybe this is a cry for help. Maybe the person who pushed you away will not even realize they need it until you give it.

I'm Fine

They will tell you that you're not okay

When you thought you hid it well.

They won't accept just an, "I'm fine."

They'll ask you till you tell.

The smile that you put on your face

Will never fool them if it's fake.

Because if they are your true friends

They will know you really well.

Maybe there will be some days

When you just want to hide;

When you want no one to see through you

And no one to get inside.

But these walls that you yourself have made

Are not something to be down-played;

You need someone who knows you well,

Who doesn't stop at just, "I'm fine."

As The Rising Sun

I wrote this poem this morning as I was watching the sunrise for the first time in a long time from my roof. I tried to describe what I was seeing but then I thought of Psalm 19 and decided my words couldn't do it justice, so I put David's words about the heavens to rhyme. The rest flowed and seemed to fit so I kept most of the Psalm and I made it my prayer as I watched God's painting unfold before my eyes. 

Wisps of clouds drift slowly with the gentle breeze across the sky,

Birds sing gladly to welcome the morning and their song rises high--

High above the trees and beyond golden linings of the clouds.

Above starry space and galaxies beyond their praise resounds,

And I know I am in your presence.

The glow in the east brightens and above the skyline, the sun!

A sight of joy and wonder, another day where light has won.

Just behind me swirls the blue where night flees;

Tiny sparrows fly above me toward the sun on the misty breeze,

And I become aware of your greatness.

The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies His handiwork!

Day after day and night after night, knowledge and speech pour forth.

No tongue, no speech, no language exists where their praise is not heard;

Their voice travels all the earth, the words the ends of the world.

All of creation is singing Him praise!

In the vast Heavens, the Almighty pitched a tent for the sun

Which is like a bridegroom ascending a hill from his pavilion.

Like a champion rejoices to run his course, he rises

From one end of the heavens he makes his circuit through the skies.

Nothing is hidden from his rays. 

The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul.

The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple.

The precepts of the LORD that give joy to joyless hearts are right.

The commands of the LORD are radiant that give light to the eyes. 

The fear of the LORD endures forever.

These are more precious than gold refined by fire, than fine gold; 

They are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my soul

As pure as the morning and as joy-full as the rising sun,

Be pleasing in Your sight, my Redeemer. 

See You In a While

It's still sinking in that you are leaving

And I expect it will be for sometime, 

But we say goodbye just like any other day

Because we know we'll see you in a while.

Stay safe on your adventure;

God knows it is a sacrifice.

Your other world will be happy to see you,

But we know we'll see you in a while

Every day you're not with us

Will seem like a lifetime,

But we'll keep you in our prayers

And we'll see you in a while.

You've all been a joy to get to know,

And we'll remember those wonderful times.

It may be time we let you go,

But we know we'll see you in a while.

ESCAPE

When words escape me 

And thoughts seem quelled

As you hang in the balance

Between Heaven and Hell

Know that I feel your pain

When the fire burns

When you see the light

But somehow can't cross the bridge 

To get away from the night

Know that I'm here, praying

I've felt that fire

Been on that bridge

I've seen that light

And have been hidden from it

And I know what it is to doubt

When the boards burn quick

And fall into the black

And the demons shriek 

As they start to attack

Hang onto your Way out

There's always a lifeline

That He provides

But you won't find it

If you look inside

You must search outside yourself

'Did you know, helpless soul

It is within your reach?

Oh you of little faith

I will set you free!

I will send you help

You may stumble and fall

But Hope lifts you high

I will give you wings

So that you can fly

And I will be your Strength

You will soar on wings like eagles

Above the hopeless night

You will laugh at the darkness 

And leave the demons behind

Only let Me be your Escape'

~~~~~~~~

He gives strength to the weary

  and increases the power of the weak.

30 

Even youths grow tired and weary,

    and young men stumble and fall;

31 

but those who hope in the Lord

    will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

    they will run and not grow weary,

    they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:29-31

It Was Me

(Inspired by "There Was No Thief" by Relient K)

For a time I thought they couldn't separate us 

They would try and try, each time not getting through

But then one day, I found us separated

And it was not them; it was me

That lost you

I'd be surprised to see you ever coming back

And I understand after what I've done to you

You left it up to me to find a way to get to you

And there'e just one last thing that I have to say

As we reflect on the mess of all of this we made

It was selfishness that made me push you away

I was not read and I led you on anyway

And this is the redo

You're starting brand new

Going in the opposite direction

And I'm so lost

I gave you up

On what cloud is the silver lining?

And there's just on last thing that I have to say

As I reflect on the mess of all of this we made

It was. selfishness that made me push you away

I wasn't ready and I led you on anyway

I'd be surprised to see you ever coming back...

Debbie

That single seat in front of me

No longer to be filled -- empty,

Now the symbol of a loss

My mind can't comprehend.

My heart feels for those she loved--

I know one of them.

And I think to myself the pain I would feel

If it were one of my closest friends...

They filed in, faces I did not know,

And gently broke the news

Yet the gentleness was overcome

By the great weight of the blow.

When they first told us, she was but a student,

A faceless name, detached, unexposed.

But they pointed to her seat, and now

She was someone that I know.

Lingering questions, some asked, some still:

"When did this happen?"

When did we know?"

How could someone do something like this?"

Ring in my ears and sink down.

I think of her friend -- the empty seat beside me, his.

My eyes, wide, never leave her seat

As emotions swell and the tears sting.

I feel like running out of the room, but I am frozen.

Hiding behind the curtain of hair

That falls around my face,

I vaguely hear the sentiments spoken.

But my mind is only half there,

Listening to, "We are here if you want to ask questions."

The rest of me tries to make sense

Of the reason behind it, why she was chosen.

They leave us with their number

And give one last glance of sympathy.

But I keep thinking to myself

It's not enough for those who knew her.

All these motions feel so very empty.

Who'll answer the questions of those she treasured?

Two gaping holes now need to be filled.

She did not die alone; she died with her mother.

Once so young, now she's just a memory,

A heartbeat of life and great potential,

Her face, that of joy and innocence.

I only knew her name, but she was loved by many.

I feel I missed out on something special.

The loss of this girl on our hearts is heavy,

But her life is something that we will remember.

We grieve with those who lost you, Debbie.

~~~~~~~~~~~

This poem was written in memory of Debbie, a girl who used to sit in front of me in Math. When I went into class today, three counselors came in and told us that she and her mother had been shot in a home invasion and had died Monday night. This was hard news for all of us to hear.  Even my teacher said she had been crying all day yesterday after she found out. To think that the girl of only eighteen that we saw on Thursday is now dead.... If you are reading this, please pray for her family and friends -- especially her father, who is left without a wife and daughter...

 "Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him..." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

Sleep Alone

Quiet in sweet darkness

At the end of the day

Thoughts of you had vanished 

Until I was on my own

Listless words I utter

And in the shadows hang

I curl up in the blackness

But don't want to sleep alone

Soft breeze wafts in, silent

The coolness makes me shiver

I pull close soft blankets

Until my heart beats calm

Feeling solitary

I could cry a river

If my wish were a companion

I wouldn't sleep alone

One more time I lie here

Another wish in vain

The silence is louder

But words always console

If I can't have your presence

I wish for sounds of rain

Or dreams that bring me closer

So I don't sleep alone

Past Future

I still dream
When I listen to our song
But now I think
It's just been too long
I always thought
It was too good to be true
 I know I was right
Because now I've lost you

Something happens to a person
When they sit and dream of endless things
That could have been
Something happens to a person
When deep inside
The believed dreams could come true
But have had to watch their's die

It's hard to say goodbye
When you never thought you'd have to
When all of a sudden
You hopes collapsed from under you
It's hard to say goodbye
When you've been waiting so long
Hoping and dreaming for a day that will never come

How did this happen?
We said it never would
I thought we were above this
You said we were too
Must I kiss goodbye
The hopes I've had so long?
And lower my expectations
After I saw you fit them all?

Am I left to sit and wonder
Left here to think alone
About what could have happened
And what could have gone wrong?
Maybe I deserve to pine
About days long past
To think those same memories that now make me cry
Were the ones that used to make me laugh

I think of different things now
When I listen to our song
I think of rejection
And days spent alone
I can no longer look ahead
To past hopes and unfulfilled dreams
No I can only look back
On a future that will never be