Beyond Her Walls

No one sees what goes on beyond her walls;
No one sees what's hidden behind her door.
She never lets them see her heart of flesh.
All they ever see is a face of stone.

But that doesn't mean she's not affected;
It just means she can hide it well.
They've never seen her inside those walls
Cause she can only be her when she's by herself.

As soon as the leave, her mask comes off,
And her face of stone crumbles away.
If she ever unmasked where they would see,
She'd constantly be raining on their parade.

No, she'd much rather be vulnerable when they're not around;
There's no one to probe when she's alone.
It's rare she finds someone who loves her and he scars;
Most just want to change her--even in her own home...

Running on Empty

Laughter, even joy may fill the day,

But in the end it means nothing.              

When he lies down to sleep at night

That emptiness is back again.                     

An emptiness he thought was gone

Still lingers night after night.                       

Night after night he wants something more

To ease the hurt and dull the pain.             

So he buries his problems in whatever he sees--

Nothing substantial; could be anything.  

And night after night when that dull wears away,

He can feel the sting even with closed eyes.  

And he’s found he can’t run; there’s nowhere to hide  

No matter what he does night after night.              Nothing helps the pain, nothing dries his eyes

At the end of each day, he’s still empty inside.

Not Who I Was

Well, I made a change. I colored my hair blue. Okay, not completely, just the tips that I had bleached. I bleached my bangs too. I've been needing a physical change for a long time to represent the changes inside of me ever since the past few months. Now I finally have one.

The new color (my friends think it's green, smh) reminds me that I'm not the same person i was. I'm not sure whether this is a sign of good changes or bad... It's hard to tell. I guess time will tell.



In these past few months, I've made a new best friend and lost them all in the space of two weeks, I've traveled the world (well, almost), I've gotten my driver's license, my first REAL job, started college, made new friends, and experienced heartache and emotional turmoil like nothing I've ever felt. Yep, A LOT has happened in the last few months. It's been a wonderful, terrible summer.

I'm glad I finally have something physical to represent it all. It seems right somehow that my appearance be changed too. After all, "I'm not who I was."

Walls of Ice

Do I dare say what I am feeling at this moment?
Do I dare speak my mind?
Maybe I should wish away these feelings
And hide what remains deep inside.

But this is against all I've ever known,
These feelings are all new to me.
I'd be lying to say nothing was wrong;
The war inside is making me bleed.

The scariest thing is the thought of losing
Everything that I need to keep.
But when it comes right down to the choosing,
I’m not sure sure what or who I want it to be.

Peace no longer rules;
I feel this heart growing cold.
I’ve built the walls so high
That even I cannot tear them down.

All I can do is plead
With someone else to get me out,
Melt these walls of stone-cold ice
And break through the barriers of hopeless doubt.