Thursday, October 29, 2015

Deserts and Operating Tables

Woah. I just had one of those insightful moments. Now, this illustration is slightly flawed because the package man isn't inherently evil (well maybe as a sinner in real life, but not necessarily for the purposes of my point. :) )

Mila was on my lap before the knock, but when the package man came she started was barking, trying to run to the door to see him. I had a hard time getting attention when I called her, so I finally just caught her and closed both the bedroom and the bathroom door, putting her on top of the counter so she couldn't bark at the door while I washed my face. She started trembling, and I realized something. Where she had been going after the package man before, completely oblivious to me, she was now forced to rely on me to get her down from the high, slippery counter.

It hit me that it's like that with us and God. Sounds weird, but stay with me. :P His children are like the loving but easily distracted dog who run so easily after other things when they come knocking and forget their Master, even, possibly, after we have just been sitting trustingly in His lap, learning from him. He runs after us *as we run from Him* and may close doors in our life that we really wanted to be on the other side of. He sets us high upon slippery counters we may call deserts or waiting periods, out of reach of the things we would otherwise chase. This forces us to look up to him, maybe trembling with desire to go back to those things He so graciously saved us from, but looking to Him nonetheless. We are forced to wait on His timing to take us out of the desert (or surgery table if He places us on a "counter" of suffering) with loving hands. But then there is the testing. Will we eagerly thank Him and run out the doors He again opens and back to the thing we desired in the first place? Or will we thank Him and wait at His feet, still looking up at Him in gratefulness and awe that He saved us from what we thought was good for us and ready for His hands to continue guiding us more easily as we stay close to Him?


I could go on about what the Master does while we are on the "counter". But you get my point. The "face washing" is good for us somehow (we might get a bath) before the incision or daily as we walk through the desert. His love shines in his meeting our needs in the desert or in the picture of a Greater Healing someday that we see in the small surgeries now. Wow, just saying that made a bunch of things clear just now... Sometimes life lessons come from very unexpected places.
 

Monday, October 26, 2015

You're My God

(A poem with no date, although I think the words reflect my heart better now, set partially to a tune I never finished)

In the quiet, I hear Your voice
In the stillness, you're my God
You give me peace in the midst of the storm
You give me joy when all is going wrong

You calm the waves around me
Command them to be still
You are the strength surrounding
Me when I've lost my will

      You're my God
      You're my God
       I lift my hands high in praise
       I will glorify Your name

You never cease to love me
You've never let me go
Yours are the arms that hold me
Lifting me high when I am low

      You're my God
      You're my God
       I lift my hands to touch Your face
       I leave behind all earthly things

I am eternally grateful
For all You are to me
Daily, I come back to Your throne
Falling hard on dependency

In the quiet, I hear Your voice
In the stillness You're my God
You give me peace in the midst of the storm
You give me joy when all seems to go wrong
You are my peace in the middle of the war
You give me courage to keep carrying on




Dear _____

(Written last semester)

Part of love is sacrifice, part of love is letting go...
These things were nice little sayings till now
Nothing I've ever had to do..

What would I do if I couldn't see your face?
For months on end wonder if you're okay
Not be able to be a part of that life
That you would have at so high a price

But sacrifice is love... and you want this..
Letting go is love... you *want* this...
I may never fully understand..

I just pray that on that day if it comes to this
I will have the strength to say goodbye..
To hug you with all that I have in me
And to smile through tears as you leave me for a while

Don't wanna think of all the "Dear John" 's
Don't wanna think of what could happen
All I know is you'll be in God's hands
And no matter where you go this will last...

I don't ever want things between us to change
I've found the one I love and I want him close to me,
But if you go away, promise things will stay the same?
If it comes to that I promise I will stay right here.




Monday, October 19, 2015

Your Love

Your love is like a raging river
Stronger than the pounding sea
Your love is like a breath of air
Filling my lungs so that I can breath
Your love is like the tide that comes in
And pulls me far away from shore
Immerses me in the ocean
And gives me hope unknown before

Never to go back to the land
Where my feet were firmly placed
In my own understanding
Your love is a sea of unknown grace
This is the place where feet will fail
But trust lets me finally rest
Not on my sinking understanding
But on Your solid promises

Call me out farther and farther
Till the sight of my idols disappears
Till all I can see on the broad horizon
Is more of you and not my fears
I know this sea is not calm and gentle
This would be a cruelty
Instead, it is filled with waves and breakers
So that I learn to trust you
When I cannot see

When the waves are so high above my head
Seemingly taunting my little faith
When they finally crash over me
You show me your sufficient grace
My weakness shows your power made perfect
For when I am weak your strength is shown
If I felt like I had it all together
You know I wouldn't trust in You alone

Although I'm in a tempest Your love is strong
I don't have to feel land under me
I know this is Your will right now
And You promise You are sufficient for me
I asked that I might be delivered
But this storm may be my answered plea
Deliverance in the form of a lesson
Teaching me childlike trust
Is better than complacency

Let me remember this sea
 is
love
Better than the sand I knew before
I'm safer here in the unknown
Than with my comforts on the shore



Thursday, October 15, 2015

Tested

Consume my dross and refine the gold
Let me not see the dross as precious anymore
Whatever it takes, Lord, let it be
Melt these chains in the fire and set me free

Let my suffering be precious in Your sight
Let me suffer well because I am alive
No longer dead in sin as I remember myself to be
Lord, use this fire to set me free...

Even when I see no earthly good from this pain
Let me find comfort in Your sovereign reign
No helpless God that can only sympathize
I have trusted a God who brings dead to life!

Like a surgeon, You cut purposefully
The wound will scar and and the wound will bleed
But the pain points to a greater healing
And keeps my eyes where they need to be

Use my suffering to help me leave
The Egypt where I am held captive
To life my eyes from the treasures here
And fix them on the Promised Land

Set my eyes firmly on this future Hope
Let me not live by what I feel but by what I know
Keep me from sinking so far into self pity
That I hinder myself from being used effectively

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

With This Addiction, I Thee Wed


It's not something you're proud of,
In fact it brings you shame
You haven't told anybody,
Can't even say its name..
You're running with your head down,
Hoping no one will see
The deep despair, you're sinking down.
You see no way of breaking free.

Those who love you are blind to it
It's not something they'd expect
But whether they know it or not
You're held captive by it.
You have no one to tell
You have so many regrets...

But it's buried so deep,
It's a part of you
If you tell anyone now,
They'll see right through you
They'll see how black it's made your soul..
And if you rip it out now, flesh comes with it too.

There will be a girl
Some day in the future,
A girl to whom you want to give everything
Money can buy many things,
But it cannot buy back your innocence
It cannot erase what you've seen with your eyes
It cannot buy back all of you

There will be a wedding
Some day in the future
Where you will give yourself to her
How much of you can you give?
How much of you is left?
Could you look into her eyes and say
"With this addiction, I thee wed"?

If this is you, take heart!
There is mercy free
Blood to wash away all the stains
And a loving Hand to help scars heal.
There is a way out
But you cannot stand
And fight alone
Do your fighting first in prayer
You need only come



“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. “For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

1 Peter 1:3-11