Second-Guessing

You're not going to be a repeat of the ones before
I already have this tell-tale sinking feeling
You told me you wouldn't be like they were
But unfortunately I'm used to promises breaking

If I said too much, if I was too clingy
It's because you're the first good thing in a long, long time
But I don't want to be that person who's always too sticky
If you say the word, I wouldn't call you mine

But I don't want you to be a repeat of those before
My walls are down, I've given too much
Given too much to let you go. If you walk away now
You may take the last of my love

When I am with you, I can't believe it
There is something to be said for "too good to be true"
I know in the past, that's all it ended up being
And now I feel... that it may be with you

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I don't want to see you go
I don't know if I could take one more loss
Do I dare ask what I do not want to know
Or do I wait 'till waiting kills me and avoid it at all cost

I don't want you to be like those before
You were special and I felt like I was home
But I'm not gonna fight if you don't want to keep me
I don't have it in me; I am not that strong....

Elsewhere

Where once was no hope, now there is,

And sorrow comes from knowing it is there,

Only out of reach.

Where once was a void, now there is light,

A light you cannot feel, but must walk to 

For a time.

A taste of goodness leaves you wanting;

A taste of fullness leaves you empty.

But there is yet a Fullness elsewhere,

Oh, my soul, be reminded.

There is yet a Fullness elsewhere,

Oh, my soul, if you can find it. 

The Card I Haven't Played

I write this with pain in my hard of hearts;
I've worn my feelings on my sleeve,
But my emotions go way deeper.
I have so much to say, but it must be screamed
In a gut-wrenching cry that can't be quelled.
I am done with using words and
Not falling apart.
All other cards have been played in my deck;
All is out for them to see,
All is out except for one.
Will the King of Hearts ever be seen?
Biting back those raging torrents
Behind stubborn eyes cannot be the solution.
But do I dare show them myself,
Raw and worn like they've never seen me?
It is but truth that is hidden from their sight
Because they don't know what goes on behind walls.
What about those who don't live in my world--
Those with a tint of "perfect" on their glasses
That blinds them to the pain?
Can I shatter their world and show them
what's real?

Do I dare?

You tell those who are stronger than you you.
But who is stronger than you?
The very ones you hide from.
And they refuse to understand...

No, I can only hid the screams and
Stuff the pain,
Muffle the cries and turn away while I pour out my insides.
Only God above the stars sees me.
Only he whom I cry to in agony
Can hear my plea.
Only he knows the truth and
Sees the card that I haven't played.

Mere Words and Promises...

...things everyone wishes to hear or longs to say and give. How often are they true or kept? Rarely. Which is what makes those that are so special.

You are the warmth in my heart

One reason it is beating

The light in your eyes

When you laugh fills my being

     I ask to see you smile

     Because to me it is the sun

     But I will hold you when tears cloud your sky

     And when the rain will come

I do not solely want you 

When everything is fine

In all the steps of this journey

My love yours and yours is mine

Our steps will be like footprints

In the sands of time

Going on and on forever

And always side by side

They may fade when waves pass over

But their memory remains

Under trials love grows stronger

And always stays the same

     I ask to see your smile

     Because to me it is the sun

     But I will hold you when tears cloud your sky

     And when the rain comes

     I want to see you happy

     But when your smile dies away

     I'll hold you in my arms and

     We'll cry the pain away

     This life has many burdens

     Heartaches, cares and  plights

     But know that love is holding you

     Even when no end's in sight

   
   
   

Silhouette of Evil

I was driving down my street, and there was a gray mustang driving in front of me. All of a sudden, it stopped and someone popped out of the sun roof right at the junction of our road and another that comes up a hill. He pulled out a gun as the car was still driving and shot straight down the road until the car had passed it. He must have felt me watching him because he turned around and gave me a death glare and then quickly got back in his car which immediately spun around so fast the tires squealed. The car raced past me and overshot me. By this point I was almost at my house. My driving could not have felt slower. The gray mustang spun around again and started following me. Thankfully, he had lost a lot of time going so fast and overshooting me, so I got to my house before he did.

I parked the car as fast as I could, crooked in the driveway, and ran to the front door, fumbling at my keys to get in. When I did get in, I quickly ran to my room and peeked out one of the blinds to see the car on the grass in front of my house. The car was empty. Then I heard someone at the front door trying to open it.

I ran as fast as I could to it and realized with horror I had forgotten to lock it. For some reason the man, whose face I had never quite seen when we had been on the road but which I knew was the definition of pure evil, did not knock the door down or try to come in. When he heard me on the other side of the door he whispered in a tauntingly evil voice that was dripping with malicious intentions, "Why don't you lock it?"

My hands trembled so much I could barely turn the lock. I had been frozen seconds before and had not been able to lock it until fear gripped at my heart when he said those words. I locked it.

From there it gets a little blury, but I remember going into my dad's room to look for him. For some reason, no one had been paying attention to what had been going on. Maybe they were all in their own little worlds... But my dad was in his room looking like he was about to go somewhere. I told him what was happening and he asked me some questions in a really chill way like everything that was happening was normal. He said it in a really loud voice though, which scared me because I thought for sure the man outside would hear him and come crashing through the window and take me away or shoot us both... I asked my dad to lower his voice, but he just asked me why in the same loud voice.

Well my dad wouldn't listen to me, so I told him that I was going to call the police to come and get the man outside because I was so scared and I knew he only had evil up his sleeve. My dad nonchalantly said, "Go ahead," as I was dialing 911.

I had it on speaker and somewhere in the middle of the conversation with my dad, I heard a woman's voice on the other end saying, "Hello?...Hello? Please make your presence known so that we know you are okay." I brought the phone to my ear and turned away from my dad and went into the bathroom. I locked the door just in case the man got in the house. It was silly because he could have easily broken down the door, but it made me feel a little safer. I don't know where my dad went at that point, but I knew somehow if he was nearby he wouldn't believe me. I was on my own.

I told the woman what had happened and who was after me and that my dad wouldn't believe me but I knew the man was going to kill me or worse... She told me that everything would be fine and turned away from the phone to tell a police chief what was happening and that he needed to get to my house right away. Then she told me to be clam and stay where I was until the police got there. I thanked her and told her I would be waiting for them to come and then hung up.

Moments later, the light from the bathroom window was partially blocked and the whole room got darker. Trembling, I crept from my corner next to the shower and against the door and peeked around the wall to see what was blocking the light. A shadow of a hooded figure stood up against the wavy glass. Then I realized with horror that he had his hands cupped against the glass so that he could see in. I knew he had seen me.

I was so terrified that i pushed myself back into the corner where I had been and snatched the phone up from the counter. I dialed 911 and took the phone off speaker, pressing it to my ear. I knew the police were coming, but it felt as if they were taking their time and I had a feeling the figure would pull out a knife and carve a whole in the window big enough to punch his fist through and then break the rest while I stood there paralyzed, watching him. I needed to hear a reassuring voice that would calm the pounding of my heart.

The woman's voice at the other end of the line said, "This is 911. Please state your emergency." I said in a frantic whisper, "There's a man at the window he's looking in and I'm sure he saw me! The police haven't gotten here ye--" Before i could finish, she called to someone and said, "This is that same girl again. Why are you not there?? You should be there. She is in danger!" Then she turned back to the phone and said, "Honey, tell me what is happening."

I looked back at the window and saw the man's silhouette still outlined on the glass, peering in menacingly, tauntingly like he knew I was there and wanted to prolong the terror. His shadow moved around, peering into each side of the window, high and low, left and right, slowly...

My breath couahg in my throat and I whispered frantically, "He's still here. He's going to kill me, he's going to kill me..." My hear was pounding so loud I was sure the hooded figure on the other side of the glass could feel its vibrations through the wall.

I couldn't help myself from sobbing. "He's going to kill me..." My choked voice trailed away. "Listen, honey," the woman said gently. "The police will be there any minute. You just gotta hold on a little longer, alright?" Maybe it was wishful thinking, but I thought I heard sirens on the other end of the line. I said, "Okay..." voice trembling.

I kept the phone pressed to my ear and let myself slide down the wall. My knees were so week with fear. I could not remember a time in my life when I was so scared....

Then I woke up.

Closer Than My Heart

This morning, when I was reading my Bible I started to write out a prayer after I read a few verses of Psalm 119, and this is what came out.


Oh God, you are my God

In the morning I rise and recount your faithfulness to generations before me

according to your word

In the evening I lie awake and think of all you've done

You are so good and no one deserves you

What other house but Jacob's can say of their God

he is good?

Ever before me and ever with me

your righteousness stands

I have seen your holiness all my life

yet nothing is going to change

O Lord, you remain the same

As the sun rises in the east

as the morning dawns

as its brilliance sets in the west

making its way across the sky

As faithful as the mountains

as forever as the sea

your love is ever with me

Your presence is closer than my heart

O Lord, you are my hiding place

I have claimed you as my shield

when earth shakes below me

when the ground is pulled from beneath my feet

When the depths overwhelm me 

and my troubles seem to drown me

my God, you are my solid ground

My hope is in you

my trust is in your unfailing love

For it is ever with me

Your presence is closer than my heart

Till the end of this age and forevermore

you are my God.

Hold Me

I'm falling apart

Will you hold my heart

In your hand?

Confused about love

I just want to give up

Will you help me understand?

Chasing so many things

Hoping they would lift

The burden from this soul

Wanting to be loved

Never being enough

You were the One that made me whole...

You are my Love

You will be enough

Even if I remain alone

Help me to want you

Above all I was close to

Above all I've ever known

Nothing can do me harm

I don't have to be strong

Because I know that you are

Oh Love of my heart

I am falling apart

Please hold me in your arms

You are my Love

You will be enough

Even if I remain alone

Tell me you will never

Lose me and hold me forever

And tell me I am home

Hope is a Liar

So young

So innocent

You love

Without regret

But you don't know love is a fire...

You love

Without return

And give all

You have again

Not knowing that hope is a liar

                 And someday you'll see

                 That it was me

                 You hopefully gave your heart to

                 And you loved me

                 But you were a child then

                 And now you know...

Open 

To anything

As long as

You were with me

Dreams are real 'til you awake

You wished

That you could be

As strong as

You thought I'd need

But I knew that I'd see you break

                I knew some day you'd see

                That it was me

                You hopefully gave your heart to

                And you loved me

                But we were children then

                And I loved you

                We were such good friends

                But now you know...

                         Hope is a liar

                         And love is a fire

                         And you got burned

                         And I'm sorry....

So listen 

To what I say 

While you have

The time to change

And fall right out of love with me

You fell 

So easily

So get up

Scrape off your knees

Listen to me it's not worth it

                 Trust me, someday you'll see

                 That it was me

                 You hopefully gave your heart to

                 And you love me

                 But you're only a child

                 You're innocent

                 But I've been through the fire

                 Listen to me

                 Hope is a liar

                 

                 And I'm sorry

Forever & Always (by Taylor Swift Rewritten)

[Verse 1]

It's been a long time... I remember that day you came into my life

You filled me with something

I held on to the night, but you wrapped me in your arms and told me you loved me

You weren't kidding 

'Cause it seems to me my heart is stronger now

You made me joy complete

I'm not a stranger anymore

Jesus, what happened, please tell me

'Cause one second I was worthless, now I'm 

Welcome in your home

[Chorus]

And I stare at the sky wonderin' why you called me

When I was so low, didn't mean nothing at all

And I flash back to when you said "forever and always"

And when it rains in my bedroom and 

Everything goes wrong

I can see through the tears 'cause I know you're not gone

I was there when you said "forever and always"

[Verse 2]

I was out of line

But you saw through the wreckage  of my sad life

You took me in your arms

You spoke into my life

And I knew in that minute all was not as before

So here's to every sin that all came down to nothing

Here's to your grace that cuts me to the core

And now I'm learning I owed you in that minute

Debts of love, not mine before

[Chorus]

And I stare at the sky wonderin' why you called me

When I was so low, didn't mean nothing at all

And I flash back to when you said "forever and always"

And when it rains in my bedroom and 

Everything goes wrong

I can see through the tears 'cause you're there all along

I was there when you said "forever and always"

And I know you're with me when I don't feel hope...

[Bridge]

Back up, lemme back up

There must be something I missed

Back up, wait a minute

I can't believe what you did

[Chorus]

And when it rains in my bedroom and 

Everything goes wrong

I can see through the tears 'cause you're there all along

I was there when you said "forever and always"

And I stare at the sky wonderin' why you called me

When I was so low, didn't mean nothing at all

And I flash back to when you said "forever and always"

[Chorus]

Now when it rains in my bedroom and 

Everything's gone wrong

I can see through the tears 'cause you're there all along

I was there when you claimed me forever and always

And your love surrounds me... Forever and always

____________________

When Christ saved me, he wrapped me in His arms for all eternity, and no one and nothing can take me away. Even if I lose everything, I will be no less loved. 

Psalm 16:8, Psalm 73:25-26, 

"I give them eternal life. They will never die, and no one will snatch them from my hand." John 10:28 (CEB) 

Dread

Dread
This feeling I know so well
Burning like fire and tasting like Hell
Never giving its victims peace
It teases and mocks till they cry for release
Looming like a cloud over everything
Rain without growth and sun without spring
It chases them down, doesn't let them hide
Like a morbid best friend always at their side
Light is like dark and day is like night
Even the stars shine a little less bright
A burden weighing them down and crushing the bones
Like pain in your chest that won't leave you alone
This is war

What can stop it from doing its worst?
What can quench the fire and the thirst?
It's been too long in the desert of pain
We look for growth, but there's only rain
Who will lift the cloud and let me hide?
Bolt all the doors till I'm safe inside?
Or chase it away for good till it's gone
So I'm not afraid to walk the streets alone?
Who can give light to the dark and chase away the night
And make the stars once again shine bright
Take away this burden that's bringing me low
And ease the pain that gnaws at my soul?

You Haven't Given Up On Me

We were hearing a sermon yesterday by Ben Stewart (I think his name was), the campus pastor at A&M. He was talking about Peter's denial of Jesus and how even Peter seemed to give up on himself afterwards. He went back to fishing. And then Jesus is on the shore making a fire with breakfast cooked and calling out to him and the other disciples. 

When Peter comes to shore, Jesus asks him "Do you love me?" Each time Peter says "Lord, you know that I love you." And Jesus says, "Feed my sheep."

The pastor was saying how he used to think Jesus was being mean, almost sort of opening the wound back up of the denial, but then he saw how Jesus wasn't saying, "Peter, do you love me? Then why did you deny me? How could you mess up in such a HUGE way after you told me yourself that you would never deny me?" Instead he was saying, "Peter do you love me? Then let's go from here together and make disciples. Let's move on. My love is strong enough and my heart is big enough to accept you even after you turned your back on me. Let's move on, Peter." 

He wasn't pointing him back to the past, but to the future. 

He was saying that his sins were forgiven. And he did this 3 times so that Peter would get it, even though I'm sure it blew Peter's mind that Jesus could ever forgive him.

I think God is trying to show me how faithful His love is. And he's showing me in different places multiple times so that it sinks in. Just like Peter, I need to be reminded that there is a future for me in God's Kingdom and I can go forth with him walking beside me. I don't have to wallow in my sin and give up on myself because Jesus hasn't given up on me. 

________________________________________________________________________________

John 21:15-25

The Book of Hosea

Faithful

Why am I always the one left out? People that I love move on... and I try, but then the people I begin to love end up moving on again with not even room for friendship. It's a terrible cycle of endings without closure and jealousy without repose.

Maybe I have the wrong idea of "moving on." Maybe moving on doesn't mean moving from one person to the other trying to find love... because in my experience, the results are always disappointing. I end up putting too much hope in one person, set them against a standard that they cannot hold to, and they end up letting me down.

But, I keep wondering, is commitment a standard that is so unattainable?


Lord let me fall in love with you all over again. Never once did I ever walk alone, never once did you leave me on my own because you are faithful, God, you are FAITHFUL. And in You, I find healing.

Invisible

I often lie on my bed wishing this wasn't true.

This person who stole your heart seems to have replaced it for you.

There was a time when all that's happened would have been unthinkable,

But finally the truth is plain for all to see: I am now invisible.

Where You Are

We all have days that we just need a hand

Or a shoulder to cry on.

There are always those who may not understand,

But you can rely on

The God who knows your name!

He has you written on His heart.

You don't have to be afraid

Because He is where you are.

Doesn't matter how far you are away from home;

He is there too,

And even when you feel you're all alone,

He is holding you.

He's the God who spoke your name

Before you were even born,

And He is always the same.

He will always be where you are.

His grace is sufficient for you;

In your weakness, he is strong.

He will lead you through;

He is where you are...

Hide From Me by Michaela Browning

3
Feb 10, 2014

Hide from me the face of death
Hide from me the evil eye
Hide from me the cancer taste
And all the poison in the sky

Save me from a tragic loss
Save me from the piercing cry
Save me from the stalking woods
And all the ways that mortals die

Lead me to the living light
Lead me to a mountain high
Lead me to a soul of peace
And give me understanding why

Find me in the deepest dark
Find me in a shadow's sigh
Find me in the lonely rain
And promise me you'll stay nearby

What is a Question Without the Answer?

What good are memories if you can't make more
What good are the words if they don't come true
What good is all the waiting in the end
If you find it wasn't love that carried you through?

What good is the storm without the rain
What good is a rose without it's smell
What good is a wedding without a joyful tear
What good is a story without a perfect end?

What is a mountain without its peaks
What is a sea without its depths
What is a night without the dark
What is sleep without its rest?

What is a tree without its fruit
What is the law without the grace
What is a human without his will
What is a Christian without his faith?

Understanding (unfinished)

I only ask for understanding
To feel like a person again
I don't want your pity
I don't want your help
I have not asked for any of it

You may mean well
But it means nothing to me
As long as you grieve
And try to fix
What is beyond your help
And beyond your reach

I cannot hide forever
This I am finding out
The tears will come
The feelings will show
All I ask is your understanding
When I am turned inside out

Living in the Past

Listening to music is like an escape. From the real world, from dealing with it...
Listening to music from the past is like being there again. Being there again is like not being here.
Living in the memories, and escaping reality.
It's so easy to do. So comfortable. I know I probably spend more time in the past than anywhere else.
Somehow, sometimes, living in the past helps me get through the present.
But is that how it's supposed to be?
Shouldn't I be looking ahead, letting the hope of the future help me through the present?
Doing things in the present that will help me or others in the future? Making the present count...

Why is it so easy to live in the past, to let the present float away, through the memories that plague the mind?
Nobody has to deal with the present if they're not living in it, right?

My Heart Is Here

Your heart follows what you love

People and places that you hold dear

As for me, I know where my home is

Because for me, my heart is here.

Honest to Jealous (Back to Me)

I see this is happening and I know I can't stop it,

But I'm not going to fight because it wasn't meant to be.

With other things I've always fought for what I wanted

But not with you because you weren't meant for me.

Still, I look at it all, as from another world,

And something doesn't quite feel right about it.

I look back in my life to put myself in your shoes,

But something inside me still wants to stop it.

I am working on being okay because I know that's what I should be;

I know if I loved you I wouldn't feel this way.

Love never has to one-up its rival.

I know if it's God's will, you'll come back to me.

Frustration

It starts out as a spark, not meant to be a fire,
And lands on dry leaves as I fall off the wire
The lava begins to boil and erupts before you know it
It all happens inside before I start to show it.

If you've never seen a spark, this is the flame,
If you've never seen a storm, this is the rain
If you've never seen a volcano, this is the obliteration
If you've never seen annoyance, this is frustration.

Dip Into the Sky

Dip into the sky and tell me what you see
The blue disappears in a swirl of green
Look ahead into clear shining clouds
Between the trees glowing pink and gold

Hues turn to purple as the sun starts to set
Soft edges of trees reach into the depth
They move gently like shadows and flicker as light
And just below them you can still see the sky

Dip into the sky and tell me what you see
Golden petals of maple leaves
Dip into the sky and see the shapes the clouds are taking
Only in the ripples of a river, kayaking

My Letter to You

I wrote down my heart on this page that you hold
I didn't lie; it was truth and it was gold
Now you hold my heart in your hands
I'm so weak, but you see me
This is nothing like chance
I was chained, but you freed me

Now my heart is soaring up high in the blue that you showed me
I'm indebted to you; I was lost, but you found me
My heart was broken inside
But this never ending flow of words
Couldn't keep it in if I tried
I'm Yours for better or worse

So I'm writing down my letter to You. It looks different now
You can see the teardrops on the page but they're not what they were
Stains from a chained heart
Have melted into joy
This is my proof of your love
You saved me when I had no voice

So thank you for being my God!
Thank you! You were here when they were not
In Your presence is fullness of joy
I'm understanding that now
What used to keep me from being with You
I'm no longer a slave to

When You Say You Love Me, Do You Mean It?

When you say you love me, do you mean it? Those three words have more power than any others.When I say I love you, you'll know that I do because I never waste those words.

When will we be out of the fog where love is so fragile? When will we be able to see love for what it really is? A never-ending bond stronger than any other that binds us to one another, not with feelings but with actions. When will we never have to worry again that the love someone has for us will cease or fade away some day? When will we never have to walk on eggshells around people, doing only things to please them or being only who they want us to be in order that they keep loving us?

True love is not fragile. True love will never cease or fade away. True love will love you for who you are and everything that you will be.

The bond of true love is unbreakable. When will we reach it?

Stay

Isn't it funny how, when you need somebody most, you push them away? And then there's silence, and you are alone again. Maybe it's because you don't want to let them see what's inside... or you don't know what's inside yourself. Fear of the unknown can lead to just ignoring it.

But is that what you really want? To push everyone you love away and not have anyone to talk to? Maybe deep down, you are really testing them to see who will stay and suffer the coldness... and try to overcome it. It takes a special person to do that and not many have that much love inside of them. I don't know if I do.

Being alone is not what you want, so why do you push them away, again and again? This is a question even you yourself don't have an answer to. All you know is that you are waiting for someone who will ask questions, maybe even seem pushy, and get you to admit to yourself what is wrong. Get you to admit it to them so it's out there in the open and you will not be able hide it anymore. And you can just be honest... and free.

 But it has to be the right person. Because just anyone may push it further back into the deep, hidden reaches of your heart until it becomes something that you yourself don't even know about. Still, it will be there and will plague you until you don't want to have anything to do with it anymore, and you will not know how to get rid of it anymore.

All I'm saying is be the person who doesn't shy away. Be the one who stays and asks questions. You never know who's hurting and needs to talk. If you are pushed away, maybe this is a cry for help. Maybe the person who pushed you away will not even realize they need it until you give it.

I'm Fine

They will tell you that you're not okay

When you thought you hid it well.

They won't accept just an, "I'm fine."

They'll ask you till you tell.

The smile that you put on your face

Will never fool them if it's fake.

Because if they are your true friends

They will know you really well.

Maybe there will be some days

When you just want to hide;

When you want no one to see through you

And no one to get inside.

But these walls that you yourself have made

Are not something to be down-played;

You need someone who knows you well,

Who doesn't stop at just, "I'm fine."

As The Rising Sun

I wrote this poem this morning as I was watching the sunrise for the first time in a long time from my roof. I tried to describe what I was seeing but then I thought of Psalm 19 and decided my words couldn't do it justice, so I put David's words about the heavens to rhyme. The rest flowed and seemed to fit so I kept most of the Psalm and I made it my prayer as I watched God's painting unfold before my eyes. 

Wisps of clouds drift slowly with the gentle breeze across the sky,

Birds sing gladly to welcome the morning and their song rises high--

High above the trees and beyond golden linings of the clouds.

Above starry space and galaxies beyond their praise resounds,

And I know I am in your presence.

The glow in the east brightens and above the skyline, the sun!

A sight of joy and wonder, another day where light has won.

Just behind me swirls the blue where night flees;

Tiny sparrows fly above me toward the sun on the misty breeze,

And I become aware of your greatness.

The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies His handiwork!

Day after day and night after night, knowledge and speech pour forth.

No tongue, no speech, no language exists where their praise is not heard;

Their voice travels all the earth, the words the ends of the world.

All of creation is singing Him praise!

In the vast Heavens, the Almighty pitched a tent for the sun

Which is like a bridegroom ascending a hill from his pavilion.

Like a champion rejoices to run his course, he rises

From one end of the heavens he makes his circuit through the skies.

Nothing is hidden from his rays. 

The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul.

The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple.

The precepts of the LORD that give joy to joyless hearts are right.

The commands of the LORD are radiant that give light to the eyes. 

The fear of the LORD endures forever.

These are more precious than gold refined by fire, than fine gold; 

They are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my soul

As pure as the morning and as joy-full as the rising sun,

Be pleasing in Your sight, my Redeemer. 

See You In a While

It's still sinking in that you are leaving

And I expect it will be for sometime, 

But we say goodbye just like any other day

Because we know we'll see you in a while.

Stay safe on your adventure;

God knows it is a sacrifice.

Your other world will be happy to see you,

But we know we'll see you in a while

Every day you're not with us

Will seem like a lifetime,

But we'll keep you in our prayers

And we'll see you in a while.

You've all been a joy to get to know,

And we'll remember those wonderful times.

It may be time we let you go,

But we know we'll see you in a while.

ESCAPE

When words escape me 

And thoughts seem quelled

As you hang in the balance

Between Heaven and Hell

Know that I feel your pain

When the fire burns

When you see the light

But somehow can't cross the bridge 

To get away from the night

Know that I'm here, praying

I've felt that fire

Been on that bridge

I've seen that light

And have been hidden from it

And I know what it is to doubt

When the boards burn quick

And fall into the black

And the demons shriek 

As they start to attack

Hang onto your Way out

There's always a lifeline

That He provides

But you won't find it

If you look inside

You must search outside yourself

'Did you know, helpless soul

It is within your reach?

Oh you of little faith

I will set you free!

I will send you help

You may stumble and fall

But Hope lifts you high

I will give you wings

So that you can fly

And I will be your Strength

You will soar on wings like eagles

Above the hopeless night

You will laugh at the darkness 

And leave the demons behind

Only let Me be your Escape'

~~~~~~~~

He gives strength to the weary

  and increases the power of the weak.

30 

Even youths grow tired and weary,

    and young men stumble and fall;

31 

but those who hope in the Lord

    will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

    they will run and not grow weary,

    they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:29-31

It Was Me

(Inspired by "There Was No Thief" by Relient K)

For a time I thought they couldn't separate us 

They would try and try, each time not getting through

But then one day, I found us separated

And it was not them; it was me

That lost you

I'd be surprised to see you ever coming back

And I understand after what I've done to you

You left it up to me to find a way to get to you

And there'e just one last thing that I have to say

As we reflect on the mess of all of this we made

It was selfishness that made me push you away

I was not read and I led you on anyway

And this is the redo

You're starting brand new

Going in the opposite direction

And I'm so lost

I gave you up

On what cloud is the silver lining?

And there's just on last thing that I have to say

As I reflect on the mess of all of this we made

It was. selfishness that made me push you away

I wasn't ready and I led you on anyway

I'd be surprised to see you ever coming back...

Debbie

That single seat in front of me

No longer to be filled -- empty,

Now the symbol of a loss

My mind can't comprehend.

My heart feels for those she loved--

I know one of them.

And I think to myself the pain I would feel

If it were one of my closest friends...

They filed in, faces I did not know,

And gently broke the news

Yet the gentleness was overcome

By the great weight of the blow.

When they first told us, she was but a student,

A faceless name, detached, unexposed.

But they pointed to her seat, and now

She was someone that I know.

Lingering questions, some asked, some still:

"When did this happen?"

When did we know?"

How could someone do something like this?"

Ring in my ears and sink down.

I think of her friend -- the empty seat beside me, his.

My eyes, wide, never leave her seat

As emotions swell and the tears sting.

I feel like running out of the room, but I am frozen.

Hiding behind the curtain of hair

That falls around my face,

I vaguely hear the sentiments spoken.

But my mind is only half there,

Listening to, "We are here if you want to ask questions."

The rest of me tries to make sense

Of the reason behind it, why she was chosen.

They leave us with their number

And give one last glance of sympathy.

But I keep thinking to myself

It's not enough for those who knew her.

All these motions feel so very empty.

Who'll answer the questions of those she treasured?

Two gaping holes now need to be filled.

She did not die alone; she died with her mother.

Once so young, now she's just a memory,

A heartbeat of life and great potential,

Her face, that of joy and innocence.

I only knew her name, but she was loved by many.

I feel I missed out on something special.

The loss of this girl on our hearts is heavy,

But her life is something that we will remember.

We grieve with those who lost you, Debbie.

~~~~~~~~~~~

This poem was written in memory of Debbie, a girl who used to sit in front of me in Math. When I went into class today, three counselors came in and told us that she and her mother had been shot in a home invasion and had died Monday night. This was hard news for all of us to hear.  Even my teacher said she had been crying all day yesterday after she found out. To think that the girl of only eighteen that we saw on Thursday is now dead.... If you are reading this, please pray for her family and friends -- especially her father, who is left without a wife and daughter...

 "Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him..." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

Sleep Alone

Quiet in sweet darkness

At the end of the day

Thoughts of you had vanished 

Until I was on my own

Listless words I utter

And in the shadows hang

I curl up in the blackness

But don't want to sleep alone

Soft breeze wafts in, silent

The coolness makes me shiver

I pull close soft blankets

Until my heart beats calm

Feeling solitary

I could cry a river

If my wish were a companion

I wouldn't sleep alone

One more time I lie here

Another wish in vain

The silence is louder

But words always console

If I can't have your presence

I wish for sounds of rain

Or dreams that bring me closer

So I don't sleep alone

Past Future

I still dream
When I listen to our song
But now I think
It's just been too long
I always thought
It was too good to be true
 I know I was right
Because now I've lost you

Something happens to a person
When they sit and dream of endless things
That could have been
Something happens to a person
When deep inside
The believed dreams could come true
But have had to watch their's die

It's hard to say goodbye
When you never thought you'd have to
When all of a sudden
You hopes collapsed from under you
It's hard to say goodbye
When you've been waiting so long
Hoping and dreaming for a day that will never come

How did this happen?
We said it never would
I thought we were above this
You said we were too
Must I kiss goodbye
The hopes I've had so long?
And lower my expectations
After I saw you fit them all?

Am I left to sit and wonder
Left here to think alone
About what could have happened
And what could have gone wrong?
Maybe I deserve to pine
About days long past
To think those same memories that now make me cry
Were the ones that used to make me laugh

I think of different things now
When I listen to our song
I think of rejection
And days spent alone
I can no longer look ahead
To past hopes and unfulfilled dreams
No I can only look back
On a future that will never be

Caught -- A Hard Place

Heart stopped when she saw you--
Tongue became dry.
Your face brought back the memory
Of all those tears she once had cried.

A knot caught in her throat,
And she could not stop shaking.
She almost turned and walked away
To stop her fragile heart from aching,

But she stood her ground
And looked you in the eye--
She will see you as a stranger now
Whenever you stop by.

Your face no longer brings
That flooding of relief;
Instead it grabs her with intense fear
And takes all her inner peace.

She does not know
How she should treat you anymore.
The memories and restrictions
Still resonate within her, sore.

And though she cannot bring herself
To tell you to stay away for good,
She wishes deep inside her soul
Her eyes would tell you that you should.

And now, you see, she has to choose
Between you and what her Father wants.
Why do you keep doing this to her?
This is the last pace she wants to be caught.

Dawn by Sarah Tucker

This is so beautiful I had to share it. Many good reminders in here from a young heart of faith. 

The window in front of me
Out of it what do I see
A tree a bird a flower the grass
Outside the window and its glass
I see the sky of navy blue
Yellow and red as the sun shines through
The bird perched upon an arm
Of the tree as the suns charm
Shines through its leaves, the wind blows through
And now all I want to do
To sit in the tree and feel the breeze
To be so calm and so at ease
To hear my God say to me
You are my child, with me you’ll be
Forever in eternity
My child I am the only key.
I love you more than you do know
For you I made myself so low
To die for you so you could live
For now your job is to forgive
As I have done for you my dear
Let me cast out all your fear
I’m waiting child for you to come
To me for everything, don’t become
Distant from me, you need me child
Without me you are too wild
I can be your place of rest
Come to me when you are stressed
Sleep in me, I am your peace
When the heartache will not cease
I am your joy your faithful friend
I will love you to the end
So when I sit there in that tree
And think of everything I see
I’ll see my God come with the dawn
And with the Lord my pain is gone.