I've been on several mission trips, and after every one, I've felt empty and alone. Why is that? I think it's because, sure, there may have been a goal I set while I was on the trip, but it wasn't an open-ended goal. It was a goal I set for 10 days, two weeks, two months... It didn't go beyond that. So when I came back, I felt like I had left my purpose behind. My goal was a short-sighted one.
I got excited to serve Jesus while I was overseas, and I set a goal to help me keep my eyes on the prize. But I did not plan what I would do when I got home.
There's something wrong with that.
My goal for Uganda in the first month was to be more selfless, to give of myself and serve, as Jesus did, in any way I could. This could look like doing the dishes after a meal, sweeping the dirty kitchen floor, or just doing the jobs I was given every day on the construction team with a cheerful attitude. I did not always make my goal, I admit, especially having that cheerful attitude. But those days I did were some of the best, fulfilling ones.
As time progressed, I added on to my goal. I was reading through Romans during the trip, and many things stuck out to me. In chapter 13 verse 8, Paul is talking about love. He says, "Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law." I wrote it on my arm and kept looking back on it for several days afterwards because it really struck me. We have been loved. We have a debt we owe to Jesus. Therefore, we owe it to others to show them that same kind of love. And that involves living in harmony with others, as it mentioned in the chapter before. I made it my goal to do whatever it took to live in harmony and to show love, even when, and especially when, it wasn't being shown back.
This was the hardest goal because there was one person that seemed to really have it out for me. It is emotionally draining to keep turning the other cheek and responding in love... But it made me rely on God all the more as I constantly had to keep coming to him when my strength and determination ran out. It took what seemed like forever, but I eventually saw the results of that love come back as God worked in their heart and they even came to me and apologized for everything.
God really blessed those goals, and let me see the results even while I was there! But what about now?
Does it make sense to come back home and mope because I feel like I don't have a purpose anymore, like I left my purpose behind me when I left Africa?
Not at all.
I still have a sphere of influence here. I come in contact with people every day, even if it's just my family. Why can I not continue striving toward those goals, and as new challenges arise make new ones?
Yesterday, I went to Prayer Mountain to get away from everything and have time alone with God. Although it was hot outside and my body longed for water, the thirst in my soul was being quenched.
I re-listened to a sermon by Francis Chan about being on fire for Jesus and read the book of Joel as I watched the sun set and the the Prairie lights start to come out. Later, I watched a sermon by Matt Chandler about becoming more mature as a Christian.
In the sermon about being on fire for Jesus, Francis Chan talked about the church in Laodecia in Revelation and how they were lukewarm. He said that most people are casual about God because they have a casual picture of Him. He listed some things that can feed that casual picture of God, as I wrote down my own list.
In the book of Joel, I read about the destruction that came upon Israel because they would not repent of their sins. And yet, there was grace. Joel 2:12-14 " 'Even now, ' declares the LORD, 'return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.' Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love , and he relents from sending calamity. Who knows? He may turn and relent and leave behind a blessing..."
In the sermon on maturity, the thing Chandler kept emphasizing was getting our eyes on Jesus and putting to death the old self and its ways. He told some things that he personally could not follow too closely or they would keep him from following the Master too closely and rob him of affection for Him. Again, I made my own list.
While I was listening to the sermons and reading, I did not see it, but looking back I see a common denominator in all of them -- do whatever it takes to get closer to Jesus, to see Him for who He truly is, take the veil off my eyes and get rid of anything that would cloud my vision of His glory. Even now, He waits for me to do just that, get rid of all these little trinkets and run after the great Treasure!
Perhaps, before anything else, this should be my goal. Everything else depends on it.
I cannot leave the mission field and think that I can somehow go home and rest. How will I be able to be a missionary overseas if I am easy on myself here? The truth of the matter is, home is the hardest mission field, and it is perhaps the most important because this is the training ground.
I now have three goals: be selfless, love unhindered, and above all, "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles" (Heb. 12:1). The last comes first. How can I give others an accurate picture of God if there are things clouding my own image of God?
This is no longer business as usual. We are at war,
and we are on a mission.
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| You are now entering the mission field. |
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