"Love Does Not Envy..."

Today, at MK, we continued our talk on love. Three weeks ago, we talked about how love is patient and how we can model that. Then we talked love's kindness, and today we talked about how love does not envy. Caleb is taking all of these lessons from 1 Corinthians 13, the chapter on LOVE.

What really hit home for me was when Caleb talked about how he had been envious of his best friend, Jordan for years. Jordan had always been the popular, outgoing, charismatic favorite of everyone who knew him, and Caleb told us how he struggled with wanting what Jordan had. 

I could relate to everything he was saying because for almost 11 years now, I have been envious of my best friend. (We'll call her Bella to protect the innocent.) My envy of Bella has little by little destroyed our relationship over the years. I wouldn't have admitted it at the time, but looking back I see that it is the reason we are no longer best friends anymore. Bella is still in the dark about the whole thing. I never told her that I was envious of her because of how pretty she was, the self-confidence she possesses, or her popularity. I was too afraid that if I told her, she would agree with me and realize that I was her inferior and not want to be friends with me anymore. So I have kept it all inside, buried deep among the skeletons in my closet, afraid to let anyone know. 

I have tried everything over the years to get rid of my envy. I have tried telling a friend of my struggle, praying for help not to be jealous... I even tried praying for Bella because I knew that no matter how perfect her life looked on the inside, she had many problems of her own. While all these things may have curbed my jealousy a little,they did not get completely rid of it. So when I heard Caleb's "secret" to getting rid of his jealousy of Jordan, I listened. 

Caleb said that what was at the heart of his jealousy (and probably all others too) was his priorities. He was jealous of Jordan's popularity because he wanted to be popular in the world's eyes. He was jealous of his outgoing nature because everyone loves that kind of personality. And he was jealous of his charisma because it inspired devotion of some kind in others. Basically, it all boiled down to the fact that his priority was how he would look in the eyes of others. This hit me like a knife in the side because I realized for the first time, this priority was the root cause of my jealousy for Bella as well. 

Lord, please change my priorities. In my head, I know that You are enough and that I don't need respect or praise from man. Let me live that out in my life as well.