Inevitable Waves Mean Inevitable Grace

Sometimes only pictures can adequately describe what you've always known to be true in the back of your mind but could never quite put your finger on. With this picture, I look into it and see that this wave is life. It is a tunnel leading to glory beyond. It is dark but still reflects the glory of the Son. It is short lived, as waves are, and before you know it, it is gone. It is meant to be enjoyed. As a surfer reaches out and touches the wall of water as he glides to the other side, so I am meant to enjoy the gift of life my Father has given me and be in the world but not of it.

On a smaller scale, this wave is also what I picture when I think about the next two years of school, or this semester specifically. Looking through the wave from this side, it seems longer than it is. I am thinking about when the semester ends before it's even begun. I'm thinking about my life after school before my second year starts. I'm looking forward to the end of the semester, the end of these next two years, the end of this life when I will be with Jesus.

What is it about this semester that makes me look forward to the end before the beginning? Why am I only seeing the dark side of the wave as if the reflection of the sun is hiding from me? I don't know. God, please show me. All I know is that I have so many fears, and I am dreading Monday. This is where I've been for a few weeks, but especially as it gets closer.

This is what I feel. But feelings can be so fickle and they often lie... So what do I know?

I know that Bethlehem College and Seminary is still where God wants me. I know that He taught me so many invaluable lessons in and outside of the classroom last semester -- lessons that I don't want to go on the mission field without -- and that He can do it again. I know that where He calls He gives the strength for His children to follow His call. I know that openness and honesty with my community of brothers and sisters about my fears has been an instrument in freeing me from them and that prayer with others has given me so much hope in the past and will continue to do so if I seek it out. I know that this year should not be as academically hard because I am taking three classes instead of four, which leaves time for ministry on the side. And I know that that ministries God has opened the doors to get involved in (Sunday School small group leader for 1st graders, involvement in the lives of hurting people, and who knows what else!) are things I can be excited about!

So why are you downcast, oh my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God! For I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. By day the Lord commands His steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. (Psalm 42:5,8)

To any who may be in the same boat of dread, let's pray together that the Lord of the wind and waves will give us joy in the morning and restore to us the joy of His salvation so that He is all we see as we walk on the water. It is true that inevitable waves mean inevitable grace! I'm holding on to that.